i panicked

it was that word that did it.  METASTATIC.  well what do you say? i held my breath, tried hard to ignore the sick, sinking feeling deep in my belly.  she was asking what it meant and i couldn’t tell her.  not that i don’t know what it means, more that i was too scared to tell her.  and she was asking because she knew i’d know.  she knows i’m a nurse.  she knows i’ve been there before with mum.  she knows i must know.  and i just panicked.  i filled in empty space with meaningless talk.  i walked to my bookshelf, found my medical dictionary in the hope that someone had placed a new definition over the top of the old one.  i read it, put it back on the shelf and the best i could do was suggest she ask the doctors.  or ring the helpline number that i gave her.  what sort of friend does that???  i’m such a chicken.  and now i feel like i should ring and tell her that i panicked.  i tried to buy myself some time, i hoped that perhaps i had heard her incorrectly, i’m a chicken.

def:- metastastis – 1. the transfer of disease from one organ or part to another not directly connected with it.  It may be due to the transfer of pathogenic microorganisms or to the transfer of cells, as in malignant tumors.  2. a growth of pathogenic microorganisms or of abnormal cells distant from the site primarily involved by the morbid process.

if you ever need help with dealing with a diagnosis of breast cancer –

Breacan phone 039664 9333 or email breacan@whv.org.au

Breast cancer network australia 1800 500 258 www.bcna.org.au

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5 Responses to i panicked

  1. Heather says:

    I would go hot and cold and panic if I heard these words too Samm. The sound of the word has just sent a shiver reverberating down my spine. I am not sure how I would go about this now that I know.

  2. imogen88 says:

    You would have been a very good support to your friend today, Samm.

  3. shewolfy728 says:

    You’re no chicken, Sam. What sort of doctor does she have that didn’t take the time to sit down and explain the term and the prognosis to her? (Never mind, I know the answer to that question.) Bless you for being there and helping her go to the right places to find her answers.

  4. soulsister says:

    Your friend is lucky to have you right there by her side. And you are a far better friend for panicing….means you care deeply!

  5. pangolin says:

    there is only one word.
    and i wont say it here.

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